Ash at 20: Goodbye Teenhood, Hello Adulting (and my aching heart)

 

And just like that, my baby is 20. Twenty.

No longer a teenager. Now, any odd life choice is officially classified as "adulting." 

It feels surreal to even say it out loud. Where did the years go? If you’re a parent, you know the feeling. That tug at your heart that whispers, "This is what we raised them for." Yet, at the same time, there’s that bittersweet ache because the little boy who used to need me for everything is now standing on his own two feet.

Ash recently experienced the adventure into adulthood first-hand - two whirlwind weeks in Bangkok, courtesy of his internship. His job? Helping his team set up a major event. His hours? Brutal. Midnight was an early night for him. Most days, he’d stagger back to his hotel at 3am., only to return to the venue before 7am.

And while he was out there, pushing himself to the limit, we were back home, stuck in a loop of pride and panic. Every night, my wife stayed awake, clutching her phone, waiting for Ash’s message to confirm he was safe. One night, it didn’t come. We called and called, our worry snowballing with each unanswered ring. By 4 a.m., drained and helpless, we finally went to bed, consumed by dread.

Turns out, he had simply collapsed into bed, too exhausted to even text. Relief washed over us the next morning, but the fear still lingers. That’s parenting, isn’t it? The constant battle between letting go and holding on, between trusting their independence and wishing you could shield them from every stumble.

Watching your child take their first real steps into the world is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. You know there will be highs and lows, twists and turns, but nothing quite prepares you for the gut punch of worry mixed with the exhilaration of pride.

It’s strange. We spend years preparing them to fly - teaching them to tie their shoelaces, solving Math problem sums, and building LEGO sets with them. But when they finally soar, part of us aches to hold them close just a little longer. Because while I’ve always known this day would come, I wasn’t ready for how much it would hurt to realize he doesn’t need me as much anymore.

I miss the days when his biggest problem was figuring out which game to play to maximise his iPad time or deciding what ice cream flavour to pick. Now, his challenges are much bigger. And I can’t swoop in with a hug and a Milo Peng to fix things anymore. That’s the beauty and meh part of growing up - for him and for me.

Still, Ash’s sense of responsibility and work ethic hasn’t wavered one bit - in fact, it’s only grown stronger! His internship clearly left a lasting mark on him. Just the other day, he organized a JB day trip with his school friends on Excel! Can you believe it? I don’t even get that detailed when planning our family vacations! 🤣

Here we are then.

Twenty years in, and I’m still learning how to be his parent. Because, let’s be honest, that job doesn’t end. It evolves. And while he may not need me to hold his hand, I hope he knows I’ll always be here - waiting for his call, cheering him on, and, yes, still staying up late to make sure he gets home safe.

So to Ash:

Adulthood can be messy, hilarious, demoralising, heartwarming and fun - all at the same time. But remember: Adulthood is just winging it with confidence - and knowing that our home will always be your safe space when the wings falter.

To the baby who first made me a dad, the child who taught me how to be a dad, the teen who kept me on my toes, and the young man who’s making me prouder every day, Happy 20th Birthday, Ash.