Gag Order

(Daddy gags)

I am reminded of a story told by a friend a few months back. 

He was at a birthday party of his son's schoolmate over the weekend. And while the kids were having their own fun and games, the adults were engaging in their own conversation over party food. Suddenly, the Birthday Boy, at the tender age of three, came walking into the crowd with a squirt gun in his hand. He then yelled out at the top of his lungs…(oh, profanity warning here!) FREEZE ALL YOU MOTHERF**KERS! 

Needless to say, the silence that followed was curdling to say the least. Well, it turned out that he had heard this lovely use of language on some DVD movie that had continued to run after their parents had fallen asleep.

Luckily for me, I don't swear. Uhm okay okay, not much anyway. I used to, when I was younger especially as a hot-blooded teenager in the Army (who doesn't right???). Now, I only let the expletives fly usually when I'm driving. 

But that has always been met with a disapproving look and the click of the tongue from the wifey. Especially since the monkies are usually around us. And I used to think that they were still too young to pick it up.

But I was wrong.

Kids are always smarter than we could ever give them credit for. And phrases like 'Wah lau eh!' and 'Bloody hell!' have been blurted out from them on more than one occasion.

So now I have imposed a gag order on myself.

In place of all the profanities that I have been used to saying, I have come up with a few new ones.

Oh Shit-ake Mushrooms!


Cheese-pie!


Fartnuggets!


Holy Poop!

Do you have any other alternative phrases that you say in front of the kids? Do share... I can only say 'Shit-take Mushrooms' that many times!